Alone

On Saturday I went to Philadelphia for ‘business.’  I have to use quotation marks, because seeing a friend, playing with jewelry, eating crab dip and drinking wine just doesn’t really feel like work.  But technically, it is my business.  So, anyway, this ‘business trip’ was my first time away from Xavi overnight.

Actually, come to think of it, I have never spent a night away from Carlitos, either.  Unless you count our wedding night.  But I don’t really, because we didn’t stop dancing until 4 am and even though Carlitos technically slept in my parents’ room, my dad brought him back to our room promptly at 7 am.   He was muttering something about ‘the consequences of having a child before your wedding’ or something like that.  I’m not quite sure what he said because I had rose petals stuck in my ears and couldn’t read his lips with the false eyelashes gluing my eyes shut.

But I digress.  The fact that my husband and I have not had a single night away by ourselves since Carlitos was born 3.5 years ago is not really the story here. (Although family members are free to do what they want with that information.  Hint hint.)

The point of the story is that I went away over night.

When I left my three boys I was teary.  Watery eyes, tight heart, heavy feet.

But by the time I reached the George Washington Bridge, something happened.  I suddenly realized that I didn’t have to put on Raffi or turn down the music to tell Carlitos to stop taking away Xavi’s book or reach my arm back behind me so that Xavi could hold it against his face and stop crying.

I suddenly realized that I was ALL ALONE.

How incredibly liberating this felt is kind of pathetic.  But it’s the truth.  I can not remember the last time I was alone for more than  an hour.

So I spent the two hour drive down to Philly blasting music.  Switching between alternative rock from the 90’s and current dance music.  Obviously, throwing in a hair band or two as I passed through New Jersey.  I didn’t sing along like I always used to, though.  Somehow, I just wasn’t there yet.  I did, however, let my mind wander.  It was amazing.  I made it through whole sentences in my mind.  I was able to finish an entire thought process with no interruptions.  I even got in a few ‘What I Wish I had Said’ scenes that were able to play out in my head all the way through.  Aren’t those moments the worst?

I can’t believe she said that to me!  And I didn’t even say anything back.  Ugh, I wish I had remembered that her name rhymes with ‘fannie’ in time!

Oh, wait, it’s my name that rhymes with fannie.  Whatever.  I know you know what I’m talking about.  Alright, alright, so even I am not cheesy enough to use the word ‘fannie’ when angrily retorting.  But the words I use in my mind when telling someone off are not really Real Mommy Chronicles material.

In any event, I thoroughly enjoyed my two hours on the road.  And then I thoroughly enjoyed helping my friend throw a party.  Annnnnd, I thoroughly enjoyed having a glass of wine at the party without checking the clock to see how many hours before the bedtime feeding.   It was great.

I wish I could say I also got lots of sleep.  Instead, we stayed up until 2 am talking and then I woke up at 7 am.  Silly me.  Next time.  Which should be about, let’s see….judging from past experience…….3.5 years from now?

By the drive home the next morning, I was really starting to get the hang of this whole Alone Thing.  Not only did I blast the music, but I sang, nay, belted it out to every song.

As I hit New Jersey, Bon Jovi’s Bed of Roses came on.  I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I have never sung so loudly.  People driving by must have been concerned about my well-being, because I am sure I looked like a lunatic.

It also crossed my mind that I should possibly try out for American Idol.   I am pretty certain that my voice is amazing.

Just in case you are wondering how I would look while singing Bon Jovi or Journey as I try out for American Idol, I think I would probably go for something along these lines:

Oh, you want to see full attire? Here ya go…

Hmmm…maybe I should try out for American Idol.  At the very least, I could make it on the ‘Worst Of’ montage in this getup….

*snaps back to reality*

So I finally made it home to all of my boys.  I really did miss them terribly even though it was a short time away.  But let me tell you that while the Welcome Home Hugs were delicious, I can’t say I am not hoping that in the near future I have some other excuse to be alone for a little while.  Preferably involving a car ride.

Because I have a feeling Journey is going to come on next time I pass through Jersey and if there is anywhere better to sing Journey than at a Karaoke Bar, it is in the car.

Alone.