Warning: If you happen to be drinking an orange seltzer you might want to put it down before reading this post.
My husband has been out with my son since 9:00 am this morning (it is 1:30 pm as I write this.) Carlitos had swim lessons and then they stayed for an Earth Day art event and are now on their way to pick up my Mother-in-Law at the bus station (on a separate note – soooo happy she is coming to help for a week!). Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that the longer the ‘daddy/son’ excursion, usually the more, shall we say, ‘interesting’ the stories upon their return. And I’m sure I don’t even hear all of the stories.
Lucky me, my husband just called to tell me a “great story” before they even returned home. Oooooh, worthy of a phone call before they even get home? Yes, this must be good.
Apparently my husband had just put Carlitos into his carseat (and yes, grandparents, it is still facing backward. If you can get him up to 31 pounds during your next visits here, we can turn him around. Until then, I promise, he is not having his growth stunted by having to bend his knees a little while sitting in the carseat. And honestly, the kid is in the 95th percentile for height so if his height is being stunted a little bit maybe it’s actually a good thing. Can you imagine how tall he would be otherwise?!? I don’t know that I necessarily want a son who is so tall that he basically has to go into the NBA. I mean, all of the child support and gun charges? Who needs that?)
Sorry-where was I? So, Carlitos had just been put into his carseat when my husband realized he had to pee really badly. I’ve been there. You really don’t feel like unbuckling him and finding a bathroom and then getting him back into the carseat…all while really feeling like you just might pee your pants. Unfortunately, as a woman you don’t really have many options but to do exactly that – and just pray you don’t actually pee your pants. Men, on the other hand, have options. And my husband exercised those options.
He took an empty orange seltzer bottle and peed in it. TMI? Yeah, you’re telling me. He chose to do this in the back seat – I’m guessing because those windows are tinted and he wasn’t looking for indecent exposure charges. Who knows though. I will never truly understand the thought process of a male. While there was an empty infant carseat in between my husband and Carlitos, preventing my son from really seeing what was going on, he managed to figure out what was taking place. Yes, we will be getting him tested for G&T programs. (That’s Gifted and Talented, not Gin and Tonic, for my non-parent friends/readers.) My husband said that Carlitos stared at him quizically the whole time. Confused? Judging? Disgusted? Inquisitive? All we know is, he was clearly intrigued by and focused on what was happening two seats away.
A little while later, as they were driving to pick up Carlitos’ Mima, Carlitos asked his daddy for a sip of his drink. He is very into sharing and trading and tasting with all food and beverages right now. Not sure if that is a developmental milestone or something he picked up from his ‘Gosh, that looks delicious. I wish I’d ordered what you ordered’ mommy. Either way, my husband handed back his drink (and hopefully passed on tasting Carlitos’ strawberry milk in return. Gross.). Lo and behold, guess what my husband was drinking? Of course – his favorite beverage, orange seltzer.
My poor son took the bottle, looked at it and said, in a very matter of fact tone, “Eww. Pee-pee. No. Eww. Pee-pee. No, daddy. No.”
Good boy, Carlitos, good boy.
(To clarify: My husband was drinking a NEW orange seltzer, NOT a bottle of pee. I though that was pretty clear, and hopefully obvious, but I have since been corrected…)