Thanks, Us Weekly!

There was a brief but glooooorious year or so that I had a free subscription to Us Weekly.  I won’t say why or how so that I don’t get anyone into trouble. (more for somehow being associated with me than for giving me a free subscription to Us Weekly)  But let’s just say someone went ahead and changed careers without even consulting with me first and now: No more Us Weekly connection.  The nerve!

One of the most clever Us Weekly segments was ‘Hide the Plug!’ also known as ’25 Things You Don’t Know About Me.’   I’m not a celebrity…but I’d sure like to be!  So, let’s pretend that I am and that you want to know eeeevvverything about me.  Don’t you? DON’T YOU?!?

Good. That’s what I thought.

Now let’s see if you can fiiiiiiind thaaaaaat pluuuuuuug!

1. When I was younger I wanted 6 children and had each of their first and middle names already chosen…as well as their gender and birth order. Then I started teaching and now I am okay with just having 3 children.  At some point I also finally understood that I can’t control gender and birth order.  I may be a goddess, but I guess I’m not God.  Whatevs.
2. I put on a whopping 65 pounds when I was pregnant with Carlitos and had to finally resort to Nutrisystem to get off the last 15 pounds. I never thought I would ever use a diet program.  I wish I hadn’t – I have basically been 30 pounds overweight ever since.
3. I have a blog called www.realmommychronicles.com where I love to save endangered elephants and provide dental care for children and make purses out of re-purposed glitter.
4. My dream vacation is driving across the country in an RV.  I haven’t convinced my husband it’s a good idea yet.
5. I have been skydiving in the Swiss Alps twice. When we landed they told us we could go again for half the price. We did.  Best birthday gift to myself ever!
6. I have also been bungee jumping in Acapulco, yet I am afraid of heights.
7. Exclamation points are a weakness of mine.  I have already had to go back and delete 5 of them from this post alone!!
8. My name is on the wall in the mess hall at Camp Favorite (yup, real  name) for being part of the “1 Match Club.” In explanation: I can build a fire and start it with one match. ONE. In dissection: I am awesome.
9. I used to take voice and piano lessons when I was little. I once wrote a song (music and lyrics) entitled “Daddy, Daddy, Don’t you Know I Love You?” I made the mistake of playing the song for some friends years later and never heard the end of it. It’s actually pretty catchy, if I do say so myself.
10. My husband, best friend and first son’s godfather (also a really close friend, obviously) all came into my life because I knew what I wanted.  They say I asked them to be my friend (or boyfriend).  I say, hey, it worked didn’t it?  You’re here.
11. A very original fact: I am addicted to chocolate. (and bacon, filet mignon and champagne) But mostly chocolate.
12. If I ever venture into business, rather than education, I will probably open a sandwich shop. I make the best sandwiches. No, really. I already have all of the details and the business plan written…in the Notes app on my iphone.
13. I really, really, miss living by the ocean.  I even miss the rotten egg smell of the salt marsh at low tide.
14. When Carlitos Eli was an itty bitty I was obsessed with the smell of his breath; It was slightly sweet. When he was asleep and breathing heavily I would stick my nose close to his mouth and just breathe it in. In the last few months he has developed morning breath when he awakes…I am still so obsessed with it. I think it is the funniest thing that my little baby has morning breath! I breathe it in as much as possible before brushing his teeth. (With Xavi it’s the stinky toes he’s had basically since birth that I am totally obsessed with.)
15. Parties are my jam.  I love throwing them.  Usually as theme-y as possible and preferably with a dance party portion.
16. Both births = ZERO drugs.  I’ve mentioned this one before, but honestly, they really don’t hand out any certificates or awards for this, so I will have to be my own cheerleader.
17. I love being the center of attention. This is possibly due to being an only child.  *Possibly.*
18. When I vomit (which is rare) I sound like an angry dragon. I know because multiple people throughout my life have used this exact random description to describe it. I think it is due to my obscenely large tonsils.
19.  Most days I use baby wipes to ‘wash’ my face…if I wash it at all, that is.  My husband says this is gross hygiene, or lack thereof.  I say it’s impressive.
20. I make a mean tortilla soup.
21. At this time I speak English, Spanish and French.  Many years ago I also spoke Italian and German.  My mother-in-law still introduces me to absolutely everyone by telling them that I speak 5 languages.  I then have to awkwardly escape when they say, “Ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsche.”
22. In kindergarten I typically ate sardine and mayonnaise sandwiches for lunch.  (You see why I had to inform people they were henceforth my friend.  Period.)
23. My favorite season is Fall. It feels nostalgic…even when I don’t know why.
24. When playing board games I feel very strongly all rules should be followed to a T.  Some friends and family mistake this for “competitiveness”.  Although…I *have* been known to take a photo of my Monopoly winnings next to the loser’s remaining property and $5.  He still married me 8 years later – couldn’t have been that bad.
25. I hate yoga.