Chocolate Wasted

So, I am pretty sure that this phrase that The Kids are using nowadays actually just means to get wasted.

I am not positive about that. I no longer work with teenagers, so I am kind of out of the loop.  And back when I was a teenager we didn’t believe in drinking The Devil’s Juice until we were 21, so we didn’t have any lingo for it.

But I do still know a couple teenagers and one time I saw one write on Facebook that she was getting Chocolate Wasted…while at the same time seeing her in person and watching her get actual wasted, so I have managed to put two and two together.  I am really smart because I still have all my brain cells….you know, from not drinking alcohol.  (Can you tell I am prepared for my future teenage sons to read this someday?)

In any event, I would like to re-coin this term to actually mean getting Chocolate Wasted.  Getting wasted on alcohol already has a term.  It is called… getting wasted.  Let’s let chocolate have this new one, shall we?

Because all my life I have actually been looking for a term to accurately describe the action of consuming so much chocolate that your heart races, you are really happy, but kind of need to puke, and start making bad choices.

Like eating more chocolate.

Chocolate items should really only be purchased in a group or baked for an event.  I learned the hard way (repeatedly) in college that you should never bake an entire pan of brownies when you have a whole day off from classes and no visitors planned all day.  Never.

You will be sick (now referred to as Chocolate Wasted) and embarrassed and when your boyfriend finds the empty box of brownie mix in the trash, but sees no brownies on the counter he will ask questions.  Lots of questions.

But I can’t quit chocolate.  So, I still make chocolate things, but I use the sharing guidelines I mentioned before.  I will make orange liquor chocolate truffles for a friend and let myself have a couple in the process.  Or cover my son’s cowboy boot birthday cake in chocolate frosting but cut everyone a big enough slice so that there is only one slice left over for me.

And then sometimes I come across the recipe before the event.  Like these cupcakes I just saw on Joy The Baker.  I have to make these.  I must.

But getting Chocolate Wasted is not beneficial for my waistline.  Or my thighs.  Or my butt.  Or my mental state.

So, I need your help.  What excuse that involves a group of 6-12 people can you think of for me to make these cupcakes?  Please help.

If an alcoholic asked you for ways to not consume an entire 12 pack of Bud, you would help, right?

My issues with getting Chocolate Wasted are just as real (if not as serious) and I am reaching out to you for help.  Please don’t let me down.

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6 Responses to Chocolate Wasted

  1. That’s it. I’m not going to be able to think of A SINGLE THING for the rest of the night now. Not that I’m complaining. The thought of anything chocolatey fills me with a weird and slightly embarrassing sense of joy.

    You should bake a dozen for….the kids’ teachers and divide them into stacks of just a few so they can take them home and enjoy with their families. But be sure to save some for yours. AND MINE.

  2. Thank you for labeling Chocolate Wasted. You are right – it’s real. I think you need to bake them, then go to a Fed Ex store, and send them to me.

    Oh, wait. That’s not going to work either since I am going to limit my sweets intake as of Monday since I will be going to Zumba on Tuesday and loose these 5 sneaky pounds.

    Forget the cupcakes for now and be sure to buy junk candy like Skittles or Starburst for Halloween. Because that Costco bag of Chocolate candy bars is mocking me all the way down from rhe basement.

  3. WilyGuy says:

    Just for your edification, ‘Chocolate Wasted’ comes at least in part from the Adam Sandler movie ‘Grown Ups’ where a similar Wasted reference is explained to children. Very funny movie that points out that we aren’t as young as we once were.


  4. Flourish- Good idea! Except neither kid is IN school! Ha. But I could divide between soccer coaches, martial arts instructors and music teachers! 😉
    And of COURSE send some your way, also!!!

  5. Erin – You will lose 5 lbs in NO time! I can’t wait to try zumba…only my goal is 30. :/

    And you are probably right that I should not bring this type of temptation into my house until I achieve that 30! 😉

  6. WG – Thanks for the information! And for reminding me there is ANOTHER damn movie I haven’t seem from these past 4 years of parenthood. ;). That one sounds worthy of adding to my Netflix queue though…..

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