Party Tricks

When I was (much) younger I used to be a stick.  However, I had the appetite of a trucker.  (I believe I have mentioned this before?)

As in, I literally always ordered the “Two by Four” or “Trucker’s Breakfast” or whatever it was called in that particular restaurant.

Two eggs, two pancakes, two pieces of sausage and two pieces of bacon…and homefries and toast.

I would also always be the first one to order the bacon cheeseburger or steak if out to dinner.  After I finished my nachos, mozzarella sticks or boneless buffalo wings, of course.  And before whichever chocolate dessert I would choose.

Mostly, I ate so much because I had a big appetite.  But I can totally admit that part of it was the shock factor.  The attention.

Yeah, that’s right, one of my scrawny legs is hollow.  What of it?

As I got older, there are probably 2 or 3 parties I went to where I did things to gain this same shock value and attention.  Maybe a couple more than that. Who’s counting.

Nothing wildly inappropriate or illegal, or anything.  But I was definitely the girl who managed to somehow get up on the fireplace mantle during a dance party.  Or who actually ran upstairs to get her sunglasses so that she had a prop when ‘I Wear My Sunglasses At Night’ came on.   The kind of girl who will certainly be the first to get on stage at the karaoke bar.

Well, times have changed.

But my personality has not.

We went out to the soft opening of My Maki last night – which was fantastic, by the way.   We have ‘Design Your Own’ everything nowadays…how had nobody done sushi yet?  Genius.  Anyway, as we consumed our sushi and seaweed salad, someone from our group went to go get some Sake.  We had spotted these cute little bottles that had a built in Sake cup on top and we all wanted to try it.

I jokingly suggested she find a way to bring back a case.

She delivered.

As the evening went on, my husband and I performed the only kind of party tricks we still know how to do.

He opened up a beer bottle using his wedding ring.  My annoyance at his little stunt earned the whole incident a few cheap laughs.

Then, I went up to the bartender in order to find out if he was single for an interested party.  See?  I have no qualms talking to anybody about anything.  That is kind of like a party trick, right?

Basically, we were lame.  Lame, lame, lame.

But then we pulled off our biggest party trick of the night. Unintentionally.

A friend of a co-worker was chatting with us and we suddenly realized we had to get home because we had told the babysitter we would be home at 10.  (Yes, p.m.) We told her we had to leave to get home to our kids.

Kids?!!??  You guys have kids?  Like, plural???  How old are they?

Yeah, two kids.  Three and a half and almost one.

Oh my God. Wow.  That is crazy. Wow.

And now, I have figured out the ultimate party trick for this stage of my life.  Wait until the end of the party to casually mention the existence of our children.


Well, okay.  Not as genius as cases of mini Sake bottles with individual Sake glasses or the concept of Design Your Own Sushi, but still.

Mama’s got herself a new party trick.

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One Response to Party Tricks

  1. […] ate like a Lady Sailor: Steak? Italian subs? Nachos? The Two by Four? Yes, please.  Even if my date ordered soup and a salad, I still got the bacon cheeseburger. This […]

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