Men*

*Said in the “Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.” tone of voice.

More specifically, my man.

He had a Stereotypical Male Moment the other night.  The kind that left me wishing I had given him a list.  You know, of what things to do and the *correct* order in which to do them.   A life guide, of sorts.  From me to him.

We had just come in from a 4.5 hour drive home and it was the boys’ bedtime.  We still had to quickly feed them, change them and get them to bed.  In a hurry.  So, I started doing the diaper-changing and pajama-choosing.  Once I was done, I came out to the kitchen to see about dinner and I noticed something.

Hmmm.  That container of cherries soaking in brandy wasn’t that full when we left the house four days ago.  I wonder how that happ-  No way.  Seriously?

Baby, did you already pour that new bottle of bourbon you bought into the container with the cherries?

Yes.

Really? That was the first thing you did when you walked in the house?  The top, numero uno, most important priority in your mind?

Yes.

Well, alrighty then.  Glad to know where you stand.

To be honest, I had to laugh.  I mean, clearly he must have been thinking about his ‘cherry brandy/bourbon’ experiment for that entire 4.5 hour drive. (We perform lots of experiements in our home.  Often pertaining to alcohol.)  Plus, yeah, that whole 4.5 hour drive thing.  He just drove the whole way home without a single complaint, I guess he can do whatever he wants once we get home.   Even if it makes no sense to me.

And he is a pretty great guy, I have to say.

I mean, we are talking about a man who tells me how beautiful I am, how hot I am, how much he loves me and how proud he is of me daily.  Daily!

“Well, he should!”, you say.

I guess.

Except that there are many, many days where my hair is so greasy that it looks like it did that time in 8th grade when I added Aloe Vera to a bath. (Never, ever put your hair in an Aloe Vera bath.  Trust me.  Especially not during the most awkward and cruel years of life.)

And days where I accomplish pretty much nothing.  Except maybe adding some empty candy wrappers to the trash bin and baby food stains to my sweatpants.

Days where multiple people ask me when baby #3 is due.

Weeks where I realize I have worn the same outfit several times.  And kept it on as pajamas in between.

And yet, that man is still all up in my business.  With his love.  And his attraction.  And his devotion.

Meanwhile, working full time, going to school and being an amazing daddy and husband.  Pretty easy on the eyes himself, too.

So, I guess he can put his liquor concoctions first sometimes.  But I’m still gonna laugh about it.

Men.