Don’t Act Like You’ve Never Done It

I do a lot of embarrassing things.

Pretty much every day.

I say dumb stuff without thinking.  I get food stuck in between my (front) teeth.  I sometimes pee a little when I laugh too hard…and then tell everyone around me.  I fall a lot.  I drop things.  I bump into objects that aren’t moving.

Just the other day, I thought I heard Carlitos say to me, “Mommy, you are so sexy!” I whipped around and demanded to know where he heard that word. I was ready to ream out whoever had said it within earshot of him.

“What, Mommy?  It’s true.  You are always bumping into things and tripping over stuff.”

Sigh of relief.  You are trying to say klutzy, Carlitos, KLUTZY. Yes, mommy is very klutzy.  Thank you for pointing that out.

Basically, even a 4-year-old can see I do some embarrassing things.

But perhaps the most embarrassing thing is when my husband borrows my phone to see pictures of our boys and I get caught doing this:

Oh, I just tried a new way of curling my hair and wanted to be able to replicate it.  That’s all. Um, can I have my phone back now?

But he knows better.  Well, knows me better anyway.  He continues to scroll back…

What? I had to see what they looked like next to my face.  You know, so I know which direction to curl them in next time.  What??? Stop smirking at me like that! And give me back my phone.  I’m not kidding.

He scrolls back a little more…

I don’t see why you’re laughing.  I had to see what the curls looked like when I was making my fake serious face.  You wouldn’t understand.  You’re a boy.  Seriously, stop scrolling!

Obviously, my husband knew he hadn’t quite hit the jackpot photo yet if I was still begging him to hand over my phone…

(Think to myself: Dammit.) (Say out loud): What? Seriously, Carlitos took that one while I was driving.  I had no idea he was even taking it. Honestly.  Look how focused I am.

Yeah? Why was Carlitos sitting in the passenger seat?

Whatever.  Like you’ve never taken 12 pictures of yourself when you think you are having a simultaneous good hair, makeup and scarf day.

(Think to myself: Dammit.)