Practically BFF

You know who probably knows me better than anyone else?

The FreshDirect delivery guys.

I mean, they don’t know my hopes and fears and goals in life.

And don’t worry, dear husband, they don’t know me in the biblical sense.  That stuff only happens in dirty movies.  I’m pretty sure, anyway.

But on a certain level, they know a more real version of me and of our life than even our closest friends and family.

For starters, they come into our home around 6 am.  Now that is to truly see someone’s reality.

I don’t clean up before their arrival like I do for family.

I don’t put on a bra like I do before my husband’s friends come over.

I don’t do all the dishes and have a glass of wine ready for them like I do before my friends come over. (Okay, okay, like I do before my friend – singular – comes over.)

The boys are screaming while covering each other’s heads with a dish cloth. One has no shirt on.  The other has no pants on. And the poor delivery guy has to step over no less than 15 books and toys to walk the 10 steps it takes to get to our kitchen.

Plus he sees me with no makeup on.  Not even mascara.

I’ve been told that my morning breath is no joke either.   So there’s that lovely truth they get to experience also.

Basically, it is a pretty raw and gritty encounter every time.

Not to mention, if they feel like being nosy, they can examine our order slip and see everything we eat all week.  They know what I make my family for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  They know that I buy organic milk and eggs every week…but also sometimes give my kids pepperoni Bagel Bites for lunch.

If you think about it, that says a lot about a mom.

And they know I’m still trying to lose this extra weight because I order so much darn arugula.  And green tea.

But you know what? They still smile every time.  Except that one guy who rings the wrong door bell every time and then yells at me when he finally calls my phone to tell me they have been waiting for 4 whole minutes.

But the rest are always super nice.  Which I am going to assume has nothing to do with the fact that they are paid to be friendly and instead has everything to do with the fact that they still like me anyway.

Even after seeing the dirty underbelly of my life.

So I am strongly considering heading to Claire’s and getting them each a Best Friends necklace instead of their usual tip next week.

I am pretty sure they ‘get’ me, so I think they’ll appreciate it.

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4 Responses to Practically BFF

  1. OMG! That is hilarious! I love the Claire’s necklace reference!!

    I need to look into this and see if they have a service like this in MIchigan because the whole going to the organic farm that was over 30 minutes away, getting a ton of food at once, and having to clean it was just a bit too much for me.

  2. Nina says:

    Annie, this is REALLY good. Like HILARIOUS good. Your posts are so freakn funny/clever/witty. I think you need to work your way onto the standup circuit…justsayin.

  3. Erin- Friendship, while perhaps more cruel at times, was at least more clearly defined back then, right?!? I mean, we wore jewelry items that proclaimed whether or not we were friends. Kind of intense. Ha

    And yes, grocery delivery has saved my life! Especially when I was pregnant, with a toddler and living in a 3rd floor walk-up. The Chinese food across the street knew our delivery order by heart for awhile and my kids were eating canned beans for breakfast. Grocery shipping wasn’t an option.

    Let me know if you find one out there!!!!

  4. Nina- seriously, you made me blush!! That is too kind! While I am flattered that you apparently think I am funny, you should know that somehow my verbal and my written stories do not equate.
    When I speak, nobody laughs and everyone leaves feeling offended. I think I’ll stick to the blogging!!! ;) xo

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