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Category Archives: Chronicles: observations of the outside world
Park Slope AKA The Land of Neverending Material
If you ever find yourself suffering from a writer’s block, simply take a stroll through Park Slope. I can 100% guarantee you will see at least one thing, incident or fruitcake mama* that will get your juices flowing. The other weekend, I threw the kids and a 2 hour supply of fruit snacks at my […]
Tagged dressing trees, gender, Park Slope, WTF
10 Comments
Piskey Whickle!!!!
You’re smiling, right? How can you not?!?! Say it again: Piskey Whickle! My high school mascot was a Sailor. Yes, that means that as a female athletic participant all three seasons, I was a Lady Sailor. No, seriously. I guess subconsciously I took that label very seriously. I talked like a Lady Sailor: Lots of […]
I’ll Eat Crow if You Turn Him Into the Next Pele
Carlitos has soccer practice at 6 pm on Fridays. Right off the bat, it seems like kind of an odd time to have soccer practice -especially for a 4-year-old – but his dad did this registration all on his own and I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it […]
Against the Grain
In the past few weeks, Facebook has been inundated with photos of everyone’s little darlings posed with a big grin and a lunch box. First day of school! Many of these children were headed off to their first day of preschool. I posted photos of us apple picking, as that was the most school-related activity […]
Trendy Flash Mob at Starbucks?
Alright, I feel like it is time for another version of Honest To God: Live from the Trenches! Last time it was while I was in an Upper West Side Whole Foods. Today, I am in a Starbucks in Chelsea. Similar amount of wealth. Very different crowd. To be honest, there isn’t another mommy around […]
You Probably Have Time to Brush Your Hair, too, Don’t You?
Breaking news! Well, not news, so much. More like, observations. But LIVE Real Mommy observations! Reporting Live from the trenches! The trenches of the Mommy Mecca: Whole Foods. Yes, I am currently sitting in the Upper West Side Whole Foods on my break. I am sitting here with my iced coffee and ‘Cranberry, Something I […]
Well, Maybe a Healthy Dose of Fear is Alright After All
I know I was just telling you to ‘Lose the fear, dear.’ But it is time we reinstate it. At the very least, a healthy dose of Future Fear. Future Fear is when we see what teenagers are currently doing (i.e. How out of their friggin’ gourds nut job crazy they are acting) and attempt […]
In Other Terrifying News, My Son is a Lefty
Carlitos is left-handed. I have always thought of this fact as merely another trait I can use to describe him. Carlos Eli: Light brown hair. Dark brown almond eyes. Silly. Alphabet lover. Building cities with blocks lover. Knocking block cities over lover. Anchovy, caper and olive eater. Bug hater. Tall. Thin. Affectionate. Tiger fearing lion […]
Tagged child, fear, left-handed, traits
2 Comments
Insert Over-Used Joke About Milkshakes Bringing Boys to the Yard Here
But seriously. My milkshake? It brings the boys and the girls to the yard. And they are sprinting. For real. In fact, my milkshake brings anyone over 21 to the yard. Or over 12, if you grew up in The Most Irish Town in America, like I did. Yesterday I was attempting a momentary sanity […]
Deadly Words
You may think I am going to discuss Sarah Palin’s ‘attack map’ with cross-hairs over representatives and tweeted jargon such as “Don’t retreat’; RELOAD!” Personally, I know this tragedy is still fresh in my mind and still makes my stomach turn when I think about it. However, I actually have another topic on my mind, […]
Tagged Autism, deadly choice, fear, Jenny McCarthy, study fraud, vaccines
3 Comments